UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
