Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my being single is dangerous.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
