Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
