can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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