Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
