Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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