I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
