like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Is it because I queefed?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
