Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize