I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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