Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
