Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize