What a fucking waste of an outfit
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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