i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
