that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
