where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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