WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
