had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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