you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
FUCK WHALES
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
