I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
