You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize