Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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