they need to just BURY HIM!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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