it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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