It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
