I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
