You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
