He uses pillows to masturbate.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
