Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
