we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
