Plan B is the new Plan A
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
