my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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