don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
