Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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