He uses pillows to masturbate.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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