Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
