worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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