YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
