I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
