I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
