He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize