I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
