i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
