Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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