You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
