sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
