I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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