all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
