did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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