Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
