a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
