just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
