Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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