Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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