I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
