the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
