glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize