It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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