M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize