So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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