Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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