I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
