If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize