I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well I just put wine in my tea
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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