i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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